AFTER DARK FILMS TO DIE FOR: Crazy Eights

Crazy Eights
2006
Starring: Traci Lords, Frank Whaley, and Dina Meyer.
IMDB

What the box says:

Six people are brought together at the funeral of a childhood friend. While settling the estate, they discover a map, which leads them on a search for a long-forgotten time capsule, at the request of their dead friend. What they discover reawakens repressed childhood traumas and leads them on a journey through their long-abandoned childhood home: a home with a terrible secret and a mysterious dead girl who will lead them to their strange fates.

What Mat says:

In mid 50's through the late  70's families were paid to have their children participate in "harmless child behavioral" studies at a town institute. The studies may not have been as kosher as they seemed to the families of the patients involved. Now in the present we find that a Teacher, an Artist, and a Holyman are haunted by visions of violence and ghostlike apparitions. When a friend dies, the three join a group of others who had a similar upbringing to go through the estate of the deceased. As a part of the estate the remaining 6 "Crazy Eights" discover a map to a time capsule they had buried as kids, and as a final wish Brax Young has asked the friends to stick together and locate the capsule leaving them only a note saying "we can beat this evil, but not alone". The trip to the old time capsule takes a toll on the friends when they discuss the recent stream of bad dreams each has had in the passed weeks. Things get even more crazy when they discover an addition to their childhood capsule, human remains. After attempting to bail on the body, and getting hopelessly lost, the 6 seek refuge in a nearby white house. An injury and more human remains beg the team to go deeper in to investigate the dilapidated/condemned home. What they find about themselves, and their past changes the friends forever.

The Verdict:

On a personal level I have never liked ghost films. Nor have I liked films that take place in an asylum type environment (with the exception of Session 9). I feel it gives movies a "haunted house" feel, like at any moment a teenager in a mask and an outfit resembling doctors scrubs is going to jump out and say BOO. This film failed to impress on almost every level. The story was weak, there was very little violence or gore which kind of felt like a letdown considering the After Dark Horror films were supposed to be "EXTREME". The characters are weak and the only ones I found my self taking any interest in where the ones that seemed written to be heels. I wouldn't even waste the time renting this film unless you are trying to see all the Films to Die for or your into ghost flicks.

Two Wolves.

AFTER DARK FILMS TO DIE FOR: Borderland

Borderland
2007
Starring: Brian Presley, Jake Muxworthy, and Rider Strong.

IMDB

What the box says:

When three Texas University students travel to a Mexican border town on the eve of their graduation, the last thing they expect is to face their own deaths. Without warning, they fall pray to an ancient blood cult hell-bent on finding candidates for human sacrifice. Inspired by a true story.

What Mat says:

A group of drunken, stupid, party animals decide to drive through the night to get to Mexico for "real freedom" and partying. The three immediately take to the local culture... AKA strip clubs and whores. The evening takes an odd tun when one gets cut in a bar fight defending a bartender, while anothers hooker time is interrupted by her screaming infant. The next day the hard partying continues when the friends make the always good decision to take shrooms with local women they just met, hang out a Mexican carnival, and proceed to harass locals and act all around obnoxious. Phil finds himself high and alone as he travels home alone. Lucky for a blood thirsty cult he happens their way. With the help of the local bartender , Ed and Henry go to hunt down what happened to Phil. Realizing that everyone in town is scared shitless of the cult and their priests Ed and Henry depend on a native cop who has witnessed the cults brutality first hand. Will they make it back to U.S. soil alive? Will an old cop finally avenge his partner? OR will a bunch of american douchebags get what they deserve and die in a Mexican bordertown?

The Verdict:

This film falls into that horror category that got really popular a few years ago with films like Turistas, and Hostel, where you get trapped in a foreign country making it nearly impossible for you to leave unless THEY let you. With the exception of Eli Roths Hostel films I have never connected with these films and this one is no exception. It seems to take forever before anything really happens and once it does it feels lack luster at best. The creepy head priest played by man pretty Beto Cuevas reminds me of the Man in White from the Desperado film with is super clean white clothing. In addition to having a slow start leading to an ending that feels like it belongs in an Action film (complete with hand to hand combat and shootouts) the middle of the film seems to tell you nothing about why things happen then suddenly makes some lame excuse. For example halfway through the characters start talking about how the cult can cloud mens minds or some such nonsense giving me flashbacks of old Shadow radio programs and a drooling Tim Curry. Overall the film is shot well and it has Rider Strong in it who I have total respect for ever since Cabin Fever (... ok AND Boy Meets World...) but I would never buy this movie. At the end of the day its rentable at best.

Three Wolves.

Africa Screams

Africa Screams
1949
Starring: Bud Abbott, Lou Costello, and Clyde Beatty.
IMDB

What the box says:

Bud Abbott and Lou Costello are back, and this time on the trail of a hidden diamond mine located in the deepest, darkest jungles of Africa. Lou plays Stanley Livington, a wimpy book salesman, who at the urging of is friend Buzz Johnson (a big game hunter played by Bud) agrees to lead an African expedition, despite his fear of wild animals. Along the way they bump into a giant gorilla, a cannibal tribe and villainous expedition members whose real motives imperil the duo with hilarious results!

What Mat says:

Stanley Livingston is a salesperson at a bookstore in the "Jungle" department. This is odd because he's so afraid of animals that he "didn't eat his first animal cracker until he was 5". On the same day two gentleman, and one mysterious woman come in inquiring about a map in an old book. Stanley happens to remember the map although the book itself is out of print. The gentleman offer $1,000 unbeknownst to Stan across the store a woman is offering $2,500 for the same information. Livinston and his boss Buzz Johnson go to the madams home only to find money is no object to her and that the gentlemen who inquired about the Map also work for her. Stanley regales her staff with stories of "lion taming" after Johnson tells them that he is a great outdoors man/big game hunter. Hilarity issues when the two decide to follow the rich woman on her trip to Africa to "hunt a large Orangutan". We discover this is only a cover for diamond hunting. Fast talking Buzz continues to wheel and deal for more money not realizing that Stanley cant remember the map and that their seemingly friendly hostess may not be as kind hearted as she seems. After being stalked by an Orangutan, almost killed by a lion, and slapped by Buzz Stanley stumbles upon a diamond pile. But the treasures do not come without a cost! When an African cannibal tribe attempts to take the two hostage they find themselves running for their life in the deep jungles of Africa.

The Verdict:

I am going to level with you... I have NEVER seen an Abbott and Costello film. This is my first one. Keeping in mind that these two were comedy legends I went into this film expecting a lot. I actually really enjoyed the jokes, and the physical comedy the movie brought to the table. Being 1949 this film is not very politically correct. If you are easily offended (which I am not) you may want to pass on this one, the one blaring example is use of the word "boy" in reference to the African helpers on the expedition. Tackling a film about Africa only a few years before the Civil Rights/Black Power movements went into full swing probably adds to the non PC ways of the film. If you like the traditional comedy styling of this era this film is a good, light watch that's good for a few laughs and one of the REALLY nice things is that it's available to watch for free on Youtube as well as many other places around the net.

Acts of Death

Acts of Death (AKA The Final Curtain)
2007
Starring: Reggie Bannister, Jason Carter, and Caitlin Cauchy.
IMDB

What the box says:

Baxter University's Theater Group has a secret club that "initiates" young freshman girls. When one initiation gets out of hand, a beautiful actress is left to die. Too scared to confess their crime, the group tries to get away with the murder. But the next night, when the group stays late for rehearsal, it becomes apparent that someone wants them to pay for their actions. ho many will die before the final curtain comes down on these acts of death?

What Mat says:

A University theater troupe lead by Felix Craven open the film by preforming a hazing ritual on the new troupe members  They break into the theater building, attempting to dodges drunken security guard Gus, to party with drugs and booze on the main stage. Things seem harmless at first until group super douche/sexual predator Chase slips drugs into one of the unsuspecting freshman's drinks and offers to show her the "secret room". Things go horribly wrong when Chases drug causes the girl to have a seizure, so instead of... you know... helping, he decides to cover it up by burning the video tape evidence (which his classy girlfriend was shooting). Things get worse for Mr. Rapist when the body disappears and they find the girl conscious once more but choosing to hang herself from the balcony. Now Felix, Chase, and Sabrina have to find a way to hide a body so they cannot be blamed. People start dying under mysterious circumstances as the three killers try to live life as normally as possible. With the body count rising the friends decide to try and escape a killer and keep their crimes a secret. 

The Verdict:

If you hate seeing whats happening in your movies this film is for you. Half the time the screen is so dark you cant even make out what the characters are doing or who's saying what. Some of the acting is pretty good but others feel like they were grabbed right out of an HS b-squad acting group. The gore is minimal at best and not as bloody as I would have liked to see, to consider this film a slasher flick. The only thing that kept me going was seeing Glenn Shadix (AKA Otho from Beetlejuice) hanging out as a badass security guard for some strange reason. I found myself constantly checking my watch to see when the film would be over and waiting for the Climax to finally arrive... however I was sadly let down as there didn't seem to ever be a Climax worth mentioning. I will never be watching this film again but I am giving it an extra half star for having the balls/connections to locate Shadix and throw him in there.

One and a half Wolves.

Actors and Sin

Actors and Sin
1952
Starring: Edward G. Robinson, Eddie Albe, and Marsha Hunt.
IMDB

What the box says:

*Well there wasn't one I could find. All the "synopsis" pages I found were more like mini reviews. So I will just put in my 2 cents. However the movie in it's entirety is available in the above you tube video.*

What Mat says:

Act 1:

Marcia, a happy, popular, actress is found dead with gunshots in the heart as we open the scene. Her father recants us with stories of her fame to help try and solve the mysterious murder.We go back to at time when Marcia was happy enjoying one of her biggest opening nights. After preforming in her fiances newest play Mr. Tillayou, her father and ex-star himself, arrives to congratulate his daughter and meet her future husband. An altercation, however, has Mr. Tillayou in a tizzy, after a jaded reporter mentions his daughters sharp tongue. We begin to find that Marcia may not be what she seems, quick with her tongue to make insults o break up an occasional marriage. Marcia begins to unravel, her husband leaves her, her anxiety is mounting over a new performance  and her standoffish nature begins to wear thin on those around her. Her depressive nature shows through even more after braving an altercation with the jealous, armed wife of a co-worker. Her gruff nature and man-eating ways continue to alienate her and she's gaining enemies quickly, leaving us to wonder Who Killed Marcia Tillayou?

Act 2:

Orlando Higgens, a big shot agent to the stars, things he's the top of the walk. HE spends most of his days lounging about and turning down the hopes and dreams of writers and actors who call upon him several times a day. An accident occurs when a "half wit" sends in a script called The Woman of Sin and one of Mr. Higgens assistants sends it to the famous Empire films. Through another mishap the film script ends up on the desk of the Empire films head himself, who refers to the script as "better than gone with the wind". The only problem? The original writer has ceased calling after Orlandos constant denials. Empire begins to offer Orlando and the mystery writer absurd amounts of money for the script, while Orlandos staff struggles to find the "half wit" Ms. Daisy Marcher who wrote it. When Daisy is finally found she isn't quite what Mr. Higgens expected... her real name is Millicent Egelhofer and shes 9 years old. Orlando sees a chance to cash in as well as play Empire as a scapegoat if this new film is a flop.

The Verdict:

The film is split into 2 very different and unique parts. The first being a drama about a murder feels like an eternity when you watch it. The acting is over the top and the mystery is like an episode of Murder She Wrote at best. After suffering through the first half I was hesitant to continue with part 2. I was however excited to find that there was NO connection between the two stories other than a Hollywood/Fame theme. The second act is funny and doesn't take itself to seriously. It has subtle lines and situations that may not be some peoples cup of tea compared to laugh out loud comedy styling many of us are used to today. Overall the second act was enjoyable and Jenny Hecht (although at times a HORRIBLE actress) is adorable and makes the story fun to watch. Had the second act not been included in this film the rating would have been much lower. This is not a film I would run out to purchase and I don't think I would even bother watching the first act ever again.

Three Wolves.

Action Jackson

Action Jackson
1988
Starring: Carl Weathers, Craig T. Nelson, and Vanity
IMDB

What the box says:

Like the blast from a .44 magnum, Action Jackson explodes with the most spectacular action/adventure excitement of the year. Carl Weathers is Detroit police sergeant Jericho "ACTION" Jackson. He's pitted against the brutal thugs of ruthless auto tycoon Peter Dellaphlane, who's out to murder his way to political power. Jackson's also involved with Dellaplane's beautiful wife Patrice-and his exotic mistress Sydney. Framed up and hunted down by his own cops, Jackson sets up a desperate showdown that hurls Action Jackson toward a heart-stopping climax.

What Mat says:

Smartass Ex-Lieutenant "Action" Jackson acts as the mythical hardass in his amazingly falice joke infatuated work place (no seriously in the first 11 minutes they reference the male member about eleventeen times). WE quickly discover the cause of his infamy and the loss of his stripes comes from a police brutality case involving "man of the year" Peter Dellaplane's son. Things are in the hole for "Action" until an informant/friend named Tony brings to his attention that a string of ultra violent attacks on other scumbags in the area (brought on by some bitchin navy seal/ninja wannabes) may be the work of the Dellaplane company. After some very forward semi-aggressive stalking Mr Jackson forces his way into Peters life... by forming a relationship... with Dellaplanes Wife. After discovering his wife knows more than he thought, and had been speaking with Jackson Mr. and Mrs. Dellaplane have a slight marital dispute that ends with Jackson framed. Now "Action" Jackson must fight through all the bad guys, kick ass, throw dudes from one building to another, kill some wicked one liners, and avoid getting his "balls chopped off" while he attempts to get close enough to Dellaplane for a final showdown.

The Verdict:

WOW.. Just WOW. I was born in the mid eighties so I was to young to remember a lot of the action comedies that got big in the mid to late eighties such as Lethal Weapon. This movie made me laugh, LITERALLY outloud. The acting was very tough guy-esque and I feel like anyone who is big on Man Movies would love it. The jokes are cliche but funny and the film doesn't seem to take itself to seriously. For example Action Jackson does a mid air front flip over a speeding car... yeah its THAT kind of badass and that's the reason I gave this film a slightly higher rating than I would have. The cheesiness of the 80's action was well balanced with humor and it made for a more entertaining experience than I was expecting. I will probably purchase this film, though not for the reason you may think. Its a good movie to pull out some beers, and watch with your buddies if you want to have a good laugh, see some cheesy action, but not a lot of gore.

Three and a half Wolves.

Across the Tracks

Across The Tracks
1991
Starring: Rick Schroder, Brad Pitt, and Carrie Snodgress
IMDB

What the box Fandango says:
*This is the first movie I have reviewed where I couldn't actually find what was printed on the back of the box!*
Rick Schroder and Brad Pitt are cast as unlikely brothers in Across the Tracks. Schroder is a drug-dealing layabout, while Pitt is a hardworking "model son". When Schroder begins straightening himself out by becoming a high school track star, Pitt suffers the pangs of jealous, retreating into alcohol. Now it's Ricky's turn to reform Brad!

What Mat says:
A trailer park widowed mother does her best to deal with her two sons. One is a great student and a school track star, the other is a car stealing, ne'er-do-well. After being arrested fro his heavy metal loving, leather jacket wearing ways (oh and car stealing... don't forget the grand theft auto) Billy comes home to turmoil with his "perfect" brother and his prim and proper mother. Joe becomes defensive of his mother and trys to help Billy break his nun-chuck toting, leather jacket wearing ways by getting him into running. Joes frustration mounts as he attempts to balance school, track, and trying to score a running scholarship, while Billy tries to keep himself clean and stay away from his hard partying ex friends. Joe actually begins to learn from Billy when he starts overworking himself practicing for a big race. Billy and Joe decide Billy should try to get on his schools track team where he would be teammates with the super sweet badasses that tried to beat him on his first day back. We find slowly that maybe their father is to blame fro their bad behaviors as the brothers prepare to race one another in a big upcoming winner take all track meet!

The Verdict:
The movie was actually shot in 1989 but wasn't actually released until 1991. The funny thing is that Pitt (besides his muscle mass) pretty much looks the EXACT SAME as he does now. Even down to his haircut! The film screams after school special and ends up being nothing more than a story about family, friends, and turning your life around. What keeps it from actually being an after school special you ask? Well all the "fuck"s, "pussy"s, and even one "suck my dick". Overall the film feels very much geared for disenfranchised youth and gives you the feeling right from the get go that you may learn something here. When considering my rating I gave this one an extra half wolf for Brad Pitts unwavering dedication to that haircut over all these years and the under the breath/muttered "suck my dick"

Two and a half wolves.